The New and Improved Version of Blog

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Small Thing Conspiracies

Lately the simple things have been giving me immeasurable trouble. My car handle. My car lock. The Internet. Etc.

And the latest of these simple troublemakers is my laundry. Oh, yes, my laundry.

It began last week with a long walk down to the on-site laundromat, with a giant hamper in my arms, a purse on my shoulder, a computer on my back and Luna in tow. I got all the way downstairs before I realized that my quarter supply was incredibly diminished. I wouldn’t even be able to do one load.

Since I didn’t have time to go get quarters that night, I hauled everything back upstairs and waited.

Two days later, with $10 of quarters, a very full hamper, a purse and Luna in tow, I returned to the Very Far Away on-site laundry and filled three washers. After pouring detergent into said washers, I pulled out my quarters to start the machines.

And I didn’t see any quarter slots. There were no quarter slots. Only card slots.

Thinking that there must be a card machine somewhere nearby, I scoured the laundromat. No cigar. Someone else came in: I asked him. And it turns out (how convenient of them) that you have to go to the clubhouse to get a laundry card.

I nervously left my laundry and ran to the clubhouse to breathlessly ask for a laundry card.

“Do you have a five dollar bill?”

No, I did not.

“The machine only takes five dollar bills.”

“How the hell is that supposed to be efficient or helpful?”

“Sorry.”

And so off I went, pockets full of quarters, to bag up my laundry detergent-soaked clothes which would be washed in a real off-site laundromat at the first opportunity.

Thing one: why the hell does the machine only take quarters? Thing two: why the hell is there nothing in the laundry room that directs you as to where you can get a card? Thing three: why in the world would I pay $2 for the card and then put lots of laundry money onto it, you robbers? Thing four: WHY would this not be in the lease or in some sort of materials you get when you move in or AT LEAST told to you verbally?

Thing five: why are the small things of the world conspiring against me?

Better Watch Out. Better Think Twice.

(That means you, Old Navy!)

The AFA (American Family Association) has put out a list (apparently they do this yearly?) of companies to shun this Christmas. This shunning isn’t what you would think, though. It’s not about Satan worship or sweatshops or ending slavery worldwide or fair wages or offensively sexual Christmas commercials. Oh, no. It’s about whether or not these companies use the word “Christmas.”

That’s right folks. Jesus for real cares whether you call it Christmas in your advertising. And so if you don’t shun away, you know where you’re going.

Thing one: can we please put our energy someplace more useful and shun where shunning belongs. Like at that auto-shop that pissed me off. Or if all girls would shun guys who cheated (this would be the most amazing type of shunning I can think of: let’s start a website and file away all the cheaters. Then, when you start dating someone new you could get a history report on said person. Like CARFAX for fellows…but I digress).

Thing two: the AFA’s mission just backfired. I’m totally going to shop at Olive Garden and Old Navy now. Before I read their naughty list, I might not have.

Read the list.

Dem Ears, Dem Ears

Drug Sniffing, Handicap Assisting, Search and Rescuing Awesomeness

Every year I try and pick a topic. Something I don’t know much about and would very much like to know about. And I spend as much time as I reasonably can learning about said topic.

The first of these selected topics was Celtic mythology (a topic that, sadly, I have lost much of my knowledge on). That was followed by things like football, fine wines and economics.

This year, with all the trouble it has brought me, I fell off the topic wagon. But I’m back on it and have decided that next year’s topic (inspired by…shocker…Luna) is assistance and therapy dog training. Not only am I going to continue my quest to train Luna as a therapy dog (wherein she will be able to love all over hospital patients and go anyplace with me), but I’m also applying to be a weekend momma for puppies in assistance dog training in Denver. And I would love to learn about training search and rescue dogs as well.

So, anyone have any suggestions for people, books or places to get started?